|Indiana and its covered bridges...|
This time in English, just because I've never done that before and honestly, my German has reached a certain degree of dead-ness at which it is a lot easier to just stick with English.
As I just mentioned, I will have to leave the beautiful State of Indiana in just 16 days. Am I ready to leave that soon? Absolutely not. Do have a choice? Not at all. So well, it's time to face reality. We're at a point where joking with my host family, that I will just stay until 2020 is kind of sad. At least once a day, someone at school tells me, that I should just hide from homeland security and become an illegal immigrant (they usually also offer me to live in their basement...). Sometimes, I just want to yell at them to stop reminding me, but I know that they don't mean to hurt me and that they're probably fearing June 7th almost as much as I am.
From talking to the other foreigners at North, I can assume that most people feel like that towards the end of their exchange. Of course, it will be great to see all of my family and friends again and there definitely are things that I miss (that list of things I was going to miss that I made a year ago turned out to be pretty accurate by the way), but I would give anything to just stay here for a few more months.
"Just come back and visit" is what a lot of people say. Well yeah, I will definitely come back and visit, but it will never be the same. Right now I am a normal part of the Guyer Family, North Decatur Jr./Sr. High School and the Greensburg community. I have friends that treat me like they would treat any American friend. And I love it. I am not the strange foreign anymore. I AM ONE OF THEM. And yes, I love the people and that's why I will come back and visit, but it will never be the same again. I will be a visitor and it will be great to see people again, but it will never be like it is now. All my senior friends are graduating in 5 days. Most of my friends are juniors, next year they will be seniors too. If I don't find a way to visit within the next 12 months, they will be heading for college and it will be impossible to see all of them. And reality is, there is no way I will be visiting next year. In two years, maybe, but next year is too soon. I can't afford a ticket to Indiana. Also I know that my family would love to travel to Decatur County to see what I love about it. It will be different and that scares me.
More and more people tell me how much they're going to miss me and I appreciate it. Really, I do. I am so glad that they are my friends and that they care about me, but every time it hits me right in the face. I will not see them everyday anymore. And I die a little bit inside. What will I do if I can't talk to Britney everyday at lunch (honestly, that is the most unlikely friendship ever, as we have absolutely NOTHING in common and still we get along great. I am totally out of her comfort zone, as I am pretty sure that she doesn't usually get in touch with other cultures and still she is one of my best and most understanding friends here), what will I do if I can't go to band class every stinking day, what about my fellow foreigners, and what about Haley, my favorite running buddy? I haven't ran with her in 4 days and I'm already dying. I just called her and she agreed to run with me tomorrow. I can't do that when I'm back in Switzerland.
Yes, I know there are people in Switzerland, and yes, I have a lot of friends that I love, but still. It is hard to believe how deep the friendships here in Indiana became in just 10 months. And while I'm incredibly thankful to have those people around me, I wish that it wouldn't hurt that bad.
It is painful. Every time, something ends my heart breaks a little bit more. Springtide last week, sectionals last Tuesday, last regular day of school was on Friday. The track banquet is tomorrow, school is over on Friday. Everything is going way to fast and I can't stop it.
Over the past few days, I have spent many hours writing graduation cards and appreciation letters to people. A pile of 27 envelopes is on my desk, ready to be passed out. I know I can do it, but I really don't want to. This was very dramatic (and I am a very optimist person) and it probably makes it sound worse than it is. I am still very happy to be here and I enjoy ever day that I can spend in my favorite Hoosier State. Everyday I feel a little bit more at home and I have never regretted my decision to do an exchange year.
But well, I guess that's the price you pay for having an amazing exchange year. And yes, it hurts, but it is worth every second.
|Love my foreigns (Sara, Amanda, Olivier, me, Luisa)|